Saturday, January 24, 2009

The Many Ways To Describe “Poop”


By Leo and Ms. Mae

Vocabulary: Shit, stool, bowel movement, feces, crap, dung, poop, dodo, poo poo, waste, excrement, excretion, diarrhea

(Xiao Ming is sitting on the toilet, in great pain)

Xiao Ming: Shit, the sixth time in two hours. (Cell phone rings.)

Xiao Hong: Ming! Where are you? Lulu is sick. I have to take her to the Vet. You have to come with us, so hurry!

Xiao Ming: Sorry, honey, I can’t. I am having diarrhea. I'm sitting on the toilet now. I’ve had the runs for hours.

Xiao Hong: Haven’t you used any medicine yet? I really need you to come. Lulu hasn't passed any stool/dodo for 3 days. Do you know what kind of pain she is in? Constipation can cause death if not treated in a timely manner. Don’t you have any idea how serious it could be?

Xiao Ming: You got to be kidding me! Do you know what I am going through right now? I can barely stand. She’s just a dog, a stupid dog!

Xiao Hong: What? Just a dog? Don’t you realize that she’s like my child? You treat her like a toy. You are so cold and uncaring.. My parents are so right. All I am to you is a flower on the dung/ manure heap.

Xiao Ming: Oh crap! You’re yelling at me because your dog can’t defecate? Here I’m dying of the runs and you‘re screaming because your little mutt can‘t have a bowel movement? What the crap is this world coming to?

(Xiao Hong starts to giggle.)

Xiao Ming: What? What’s so funny?

Xiao Hong: It’s just because I am so relieved. Lulu just pooped on the bed. As soon as I clean up her feces/excrement/waste, I’ll come over and wipe your ass and clean up your excretion even if my parents say you’re not good enough to wipe my dog’s behind.

Vocabulary Explanations:

Stool, bowel movement, feces, excrement, excretion
Something a doctor or medical lay people might use.
Examples: I will need a stool sample from you.
His bowel movement is stinky from infected food.
The dog’s feces must be cleaned up daily to avoid flies.

Diarrhea, runs

Constipation, to be constipated

Poop, dodo
Juvenile usage:
Examples: Usually, I tell the baby to poop on the stool.
Johnny tell me that he want to do poo poo or dodo.

Shit, crap
Colloquial or slang version
Examples: Whenever my father really gets mad, he says “shit”.
Whenever my father gets furious, he says the world is full of crap.

“Flower on the dung heap”
Chinese expression meaning the lady is wasted on the man.

General use: pile of manure

Defecate, crap, poop, shit
These words can also be used as verbs to do.